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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
Can I get likes for no reason?