Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I wonder what my dog has named me?
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there