Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.