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You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.