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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.