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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.