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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.