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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.