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Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!