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Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.