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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?