Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
The problem with diets is pizza.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.