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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.