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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
I was born to be happy… not normal.
The future was so much cooler in the past.