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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.