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I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.