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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?