Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!