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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.