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How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers