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If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson