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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
I have a black belt in leather
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.