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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!