Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Plan B includes margaritas.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.