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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.