Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I like people... From a distance.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”