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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
My mom says I`m special.
I need more people like me in my life
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!