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I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.