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Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?