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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?