Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"