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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.