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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(