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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.