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Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.