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I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.