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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.