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Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.