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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!