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Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
I dont pay for cabs if Iām too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
My last thought in life will probably be ā I wonder what happens if I touch this?ā
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time