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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?