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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I always advise people never to give advice.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.