Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.