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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
I put the hot in psychotic.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.