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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.