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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.