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If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?