Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!