Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.