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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.