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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
The songs I like always come on when I’m supposed to be getting out of my car.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
I forgot to post this earlier
I just ran a .003048K
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.