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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Partying on my level requires years of training.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome