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I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to