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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.