Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`