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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.