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I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.