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So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch