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The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
This is a lousy dating site.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.