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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Why do baby clothes have pockets?
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.