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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.