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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.