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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.