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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.