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How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.