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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?