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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."