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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.