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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
life is too short to match socks
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over