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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I want to sleep tighter
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.